Textual Feeling: B Gets The Runs


b: you eat nothing but salads, you get constipated.  i eat nothing but salads, i can’t keep anything in.  what the fuck?

me: serves you right.  enjoy the runs.

b: hey, fuck you.  i’ve been nothing but sympathetic towards you since you began your whole diet experience.  besides, i just wanted to keep you in the loop.

me: keep me in the loop?  with your poop?  that rhymes.  i’m hilarious.

b: you’re something allright.  not quite sure if hilarious is the right word though.

me: hysterical, perhaps?

b: you are thinking on the wrong end of the spectrum, my dear.  start heading more towards evil wench.

me: i’d prefer evil witch.

b: wench is more accurate.

me: why can’t i be a witch?

b: because witches aren’t as whorish.

me: what about sarah jessica parker from hocus pocus?  she was a slut.

b: she’s not real.

me: you’re a real downer.

b: just trying to bring you down to where you bring me.

me: if you’re trying to make me feel bad about myself it’s not working.  mainly because i’ve been thinking about otters all day.

b: i would never try to make you feel bad about yourself.  i feel bad enough about you for the both of us.

me: when you’re ready to play nice we can continue this conversation.  in the meantime – enjoy this picture:

i realize this otter is a repeat, but it's delicious. and it's trick or treating.

 

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