b: you eat nothing but salads, you get constipated. i eat nothing but salads, i can’t keep anything in. what the fuck?
me: serves you right. enjoy the runs.
b: hey, fuck you. i’ve been nothing but sympathetic towards you since you began your whole diet experience. besides, i just wanted to keep you in the loop.
me: keep me in the loop? with your poop? that rhymes. i’m hilarious.
b: you’re something allright. not quite sure if hilarious is the right word though.
me: hysterical, perhaps?
b: you are thinking on the wrong end of the spectrum, my dear. start heading more towards evil wench.
me: i’d prefer evil witch.
b: wench is more accurate.
me: why can’t i be a witch?
b: because witches aren’t as whorish.
me: what about sarah jessica parker from hocus pocus? she was a slut.
b: she’s not real.
me: you’re a real downer.
b: just trying to bring you down to where you bring me.
me: if you’re trying to make me feel bad about myself it’s not working. mainly because i’ve been thinking about otters all day.
b: i would never try to make you feel bad about yourself. i feel bad enough about you for the both of us.
me: when you’re ready to play nice we can continue this conversation. in the meantime – enjoy this picture: