I’d Be a Terrible Fucking Doctor


there’s a litany of reasons why i’m not a doctor.  overall laziness probably being the top reason.  but i would go with bad decision making as a close second.  even worse – decision making under pressure.  or self-diagnosing and self-medicating.

case in point – when b suggested that i add dayquil to my wine.  i immediately thought {2 BIRDS!} and began the creation process.

and in case you’re wondering – it’s fucking terrible.  syrupy, like when you put your vodka in the freezer and then pull it out because you want to take a shot but you can barely choke it down because the freezing temperature has made it disgusting.  ack.

but here’s my problem.  i love deals.  who doesn’t?  you’re probably thinking – what’s the problem…a deal?  there’s no problem with a deal.  well yes there is.

case in point.  dinner with shitler.  at a local watering hole we discovered that they have $1 tacos.  so having been battling this motherfucker of a cold all week i wholeheartedly agree and thought i deserved a goddamn taco (and also because i physically cannot refuse a taco). 

but i was good.  i had water and two tacos.  until the bastard of a bartender informs us that on thursdays from 7-12, ladies drink taps and rails for $6.  all fucking bets were off after that.  the bartender was all “if you only have two it practically pays for itself.”  and i was all, “fuck you, i’m going to have enough to make them 50 cent drinks.  keep ’em coming!”

i'm on the right. obviously. just call me robin williams.

so. many. limes.

so whatever.  i’m weak.  and still sick.  sicker than usual.

and it’s taken me like three hours to compile this.  because gnoemo and juliet is on and it might be the most adorable thing i have ever seen.


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2 thoughts on “I’d Be a Terrible Fucking Doctor

  1. justcallmeb says:

    Quit being a pussy and do what I do. NyQuil at night, DayQuil and Claritin-D (the stuff you make meth with) in the morning, and a steady dose of Mucinex. You will spend a majority of your day in a medically induced haze, but who hates that? Plus it’s like your head is filled with helium, instead of the hot air yours is normally filled with.

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