My Border Collie Is Actively Trying To Ruin My Life


got my hands on this infant again the other night:

i offered to let shitler hold her but his comment was “no, i’ve held babies before” and then “i’ll hold her when she’s two.”  i guess he has a point.  all babies are the same.  

except the ugly ones.  

and ugly babies do exist.  don’t even try to deny that ugly babies don’t.  they do.  and you’re a liar if you say otherwise.  but sommer isn’t one of those.  there’s a special place for her.  one that’s filled with sparkles, unicorns, and mommy’s breasts.

YOU’RE WELCOME betsy. because your boobs look fantastic.

and check out her fat little baby thighs.  i died.

i bet they taste delicious.

also, i’m convinced that when babies yawn it’s really their cute way of covering up the fact that they’re stealing your soul.

SEE?

in two unrelated topics:

first, shitler and i went to go get wings last night.
and our neighbor kept throwing used chicken bone carcasses on the floor:

we were not at texas roadhouse, nor is that a peanut.

secondly – in true mac-fashion we came home to the destroyer of all things pillow and also an entire plate of banana bread bars:

he’s such a dick.

lastly, shitler woke me up last night to tell me that he had gotten up to pee and while he was downstairs he ate a cupcake.  at 3AM.  

i’m indifferent.

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