i’d like to announce that i’ve decided to compulsively bake this weekend. so that means no one better bother me.
or i will fucking shank you with a whisk.
a wire one.
after i have severed some of the little whisky things so they’re pointy and sharp.
and i’m going to listen to zeppelin and elp on a constant loop throughout this bake-off with myself and it’s going to be tremendous.
and in all seriousness – i was going another direction with this post and then i had this conversation with b. and it instantly became my favorite thing in the entire world.
b: you’d be amazed how quickly this heat takes effect on the testicles.
me: i’ll do you one better. imagine a sweaty, smelly vagina after an hour of intense cardio and then getting into a sweltering hot car that has no air conditioning and driving home.
b: your vagina doesn’t cling to your thigh and begin acting like a creepy wall crawler.
me: you don’t know that.
b: that’s true. i’m just taking a shot in the dark.
me: thank you. i appreciate you not making assumptions about my vagina.
b: come on, we all know it’s smelly and warn out. kind of like a drained, inflatable pool.
me: i will neither confirm nor deny.
now go forth and discuss the intense heat and the damage it causes to your genitals.