Category Archives: cookies

Food Porn Monday


so i was so hungry yesterday that i could have consumed anything that someone put in front of me.
but no one did.

so i didn’t eat anything.
and in conclusion – i want all of these:

grilled steak, avocado, and spicy crema sandwiches

via serious eats

mexican corn on the cob

via campbells kitchen

at home chick-fil-a sandwich

via serious eats

crazy confetti compost cookies

via how sweet eats

raspberry chipotle-glazed chicken wings

via eat, live, run

i can only imagine how much i would hurl if i ate all of this.

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Textual Feeling: Heat Stroke


hello world.

i’d like to announce that i’ve decided to compulsively bake this weekend.  so that means no one better bother me.  
or i will fucking shank you with a whisk.  
a wire one.  
after i have severed some of the little whisky things so they’re pointy and sharp.

and i’m going to listen to zeppelin and elp on a constant loop throughout this bake-off with myself and it’s going to be tremendous.

and in all seriousness – i was going another direction with this post and then i had this conversation with b.  and it instantly became my favorite thing in the entire world.

b: you’d be amazed how quickly this heat takes effect on the testicles.

me:  i’ll do you one better.  imagine a sweaty, smelly vagina after an hour of intense cardio and then getting into a sweltering hot car that has no air conditioning and driving home.

b: your vagina doesn’t cling to your thigh and begin acting like a creepy wall crawler.

me: you don’t know that.

b: that’s true.  i’m just taking a shot in the dark.

me: thank you.  i appreciate you not making assumptions about my vagina.

b: come on, we all know it’s smelly and warn out.  kind of like a drained, inflatable pool.

me: i will neither confirm nor deny.

now go forth and discuss the intense heat and the damage it causes to your genitals.

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Thank You, Mrs. Seinfeld


seriously.

thank you, mrs. seinfeld – for these fucking cookies.  because they’re delicious.  deceptively so.  check out her site here.

just ask shitler – who balked when he saw me dump a can of these into the mixer:

so, you should totally make them.  and then eat enough to make you want to kill yourself because your stomach hurts so bad.

ingredients:

  • nonstick cooking spray
  • 1 c. firmly packed light brown sugar
  • 3/4 margarine spread
  • 2 large egg whites
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 (15 oz) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
  • 2 c. semisweet chocolate chips
  • 2 c. flour
  • 1/2 c. old-fashioned oats
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt

directions:

1. preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  coat a baking sheet with cooking spray.
2. in a large bowl or mixer bowl, beat the sugar and margarine until smooth.  beat in the egg whites and vanilla, then the chickpeas and chocolate chips.  add the flour, oats, baking soda, and salt, and mix on low speed until thick dough forms.
3. drop the dough by the tablespoon onto the baking sheet, spacing the cookies about 2 inches apart.  press gently with a fork to flatten.  bake until the cookies are golden brown, 11-13 minutes (i did mine for 13).  transfer to a rack to cool.

this creep stared at the whole time.  while shitler watched HIMYM.

and then we had fucking chicken patty sandwiches like we were back in high school.

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