Category Archives: friendship

So Maybe We Could Band Together To Fight Crime. And By Crime I Mean The Fat In My Ass


so remember that one time i worked out all the time?
or that other time where i ate super healthy?
OR that insane time that i stopped drinking?

oh, and remember when i put them all together and did that crazy thing where i tried to basically live a not-so-toxic life?

well i fell off the wagon.  because now my life revolves around stuff like this:

drippy, ecto cooloer looking motherfucker

so i should probably do something about it.
and i should probably stop polishing off jars of pickles in my friend’s homes.
and maybe i should stop laying on the couch so much.
or eating 6 bomb pops in one sitting.
or thinking that i should use that terrible sugary lemonade from the local gas station as vodka mixer.
OR day-dreaming about carbs and starch all day.

 

i guess what i’m saying is that i need to stop being such a damn pile of garbage.

so here goes nothing.
again.

PS. i thought this was funny.  but instead of water – maybe it’s vodka (which is the very thing that isn’t helping my fat ass).

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Twitter Book Club For Two. But It Could Be For More – If You Wanted


i don’t have a ton of self-control when it comes to things that i’m obsessed with.

case in point – books that i could devour in one hour if left to my own devices.
i’m talking i can’t even have them on my desk at work because i tend to just steal glances at them throughout the day and secretly long to hide under my desk with a flashlight so i can just fucking finish it.

so i got my paws on a chuck palahniuk book – invisible monsters
it’s so, so supremely fucked.
so fucked, in fact, that i immediately banged through a hundred pages and then constantly tweeted about it and then thought that maybe a twitter book club that had two members would be a good idea so i asked sammantha and if we were face-to-face for that conversation i feel confident saying that she would have scoffed at me for even asking because it’s a no fucking brainer that she’d be on board.

so here were are – in a twitter book club for two.
and i love it.
love it so much that i do photo shoots with my book.  
like a freak.

so you should read it too.
join us in our twitter book club.

find me @itgotweird and sammanatha @sammanthamae

we’ve only just begun.

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How To Lose Friends and Alienate People – Like the Movie. Only I’m Not Sure If It’s Like the Movie Because I’ve Never Seen It.


perusing my litany of photos on my phone brought me to the following conclusions.

perhaps i’d lose you as a friend and alienate you as a person because i want to decorate everything in this.

perhaps i’d lose you as a friend and alienate you as a person (shitler) because you realize that my bee trap that consists of leftover mike’s hard lemonade in a glass worked pretty well.

perhaps i’d lose you as a friend and alienate you as a person because i horde this guy all to myself.

perhaps you would lose me as a friend and alienate me as a person if you drove around in a car with this sticker on it.  
because you’re an idiot.  
and you should do your research.

perhaps you would lose me as a friend and alienate me as a person if you were like amazon and didn’t know geography.
and shipped books to me in this round-a-bout fucking way.

perhaps you might lose me as a friend and alienate me as a person IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO MY DESK.
but i don’t know who you are.
and i guess it’s kind of hilarious.

 

perhaps.

Boats and Hoes: Installment 1: The Tame Version


i’m going to be honest about the tie-up.

it’s a shit show.  
a goddamn shit show.

and one year that i went – i almost died.  
not even kidding.

i may have been a tiny bit wasted while treading water when a large man canon-balled on top of me causing me to crack my skull on the underside of the boat. where i may have blacked out.  and then was hoisted out of the water by some nice gentlemen while a group of gawking fellow drunks looked on hoping that i didn’t drown.  and then i collapsed back at the house and ate shit into a pile of rocks.  i was battered and bruised.

but this year i vowed that it would be different.  that i would redeem myself.  and i’d like to think that i did.
but in an effort to string you along – i’m just submitting some subdued photos and a video.

because tomorrow’s post has got the good shit.  like thongs, and packages, and hot chicks, and gratuitous water sex.

you’re welcome.

and may i just preface this video with the fact that it was only noon at this point and got progressively worse and worse.

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High Five 4 Friday


whose hollering with me?  hollering about friday, i mean.

let’s do it together.

holler.

i’m linking up with lauren over at from my grey desk.

 

1. just saw this movie this week.  and i’m officially in love.  one of the best i’ve seen in awhile.  i think about it for the better part of my days.  and how i’d rather be parked on the couch watching it.

2. oh my god.  she kills me.  and i don’t care what anyone says.  she looks like a tan falcor.  and if you don’t know who falcor is or where it’s from – you can go fuck off.

3.  i’m going to say this and you’re probably going to judge me.  but it was the 1,000th episode of monday night raw this week.  and i watched it.  and i enjoyed it.  and i coveted jericho’s jacket like i do every time i see it.

 

4. the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.  i’m sure that will be a separate post entirely.  because the tie-up is filled with booze, boats, and boobs.  and it’s this weekend.  and i’m so happy.  and i’m going to really try hard to not almost die this time around.

 

5. and with the tie-up happening this weekend it brings shiter’s boyfriends to town.  

3 guys. 1 raft.

 

 

it’s the weekend.
like missy elliot said
get your freak on.

 

 

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You’re Welcome


because how could these not make your shitty day at least one thousand times better?

meet trixie.  my best friend’s new puppy.
oh, and some giant beast of a friend trixie has.

that last one is too much.

 but it’s time to call it a day. 
fuck it.
have a drink.
and a puppy.

you deserve it.

The Day The Super Fox Attempted to Destroy Everything Shitler Loves


which is three things.

and none of them include me.

1. his stupid grill that he doesn’t shut up about.

2. his ice shanty.
relax – that gas can is empty.

3. his tomato plants that he seriously won’t shut the fuck up about.

side note – the super fox kept saying that when i took these pictures she was peeing on shitler’s tomato plants.
and i must say, that if that’s the case, then i’m concerned with her method of relieving herself.
and that it might trickle down her leg. 

The Super Fox and Shitler Show


so i wrote these early this morning.
at like 5AM.
because apparently drinking last night caused me to be up and at ’em at a disgustingly early time.

so it’s a second installment (here’s the first).
of my tuesday night. 
when the super fox asked shitler if she could squirt a lemon in his eye.

and he said yes.

and then an hour later he snorted salt.

yup, he’s all mine.

Hairy Cleavage Comparison.


so this happened last night.
mind you it was a tuesday.

i may or may not have suggested that shitler and the super fox compare cleavage.
you know.
to see whose is the hairiest. 

you decide.

 

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High Five 4 Friday


fucking finally.

i hate being spoiled by weeks where there’s a holiday and then you’re forced to endure an ENTIRE work week.  life isn’t fair.

but at least there’s the weekly link up over at from my grey desk with lauren.

and here’s what i’m high-fiving.

**

1. snatch those ‘maters right from the vine.  big ups to shitler and his green thumb.  i can’t wait to eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

2. i am now violently obsessed with true blood.  

yes, i know, i am once again way behind.  

but i can’t stop watching.  and i’ve devised plans to make shitler leave the house on a nightly basis so i can get my fix.  except every time bill is on i get an overwhelming compulsion to just shut the fucking show off.  because he annoys the ever-loving shit out of me.  

this guy, on the other hand, does not.

3. this nut.  he kills me with this moronic behavior and stalker-like tendencies.  he is just all up in my business all the time.

4.  god.  chemistry cat gets me every time.

5. what ‘chu like.  a whole ‘lotta.  tyyyyyyrreeeeeeeeese.

i can’t stop listening.

don’t judge me.

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