Category Archives: raptor jesus

I Wonder Which Dinosaurs Raptor Jesus Would Have For His Disciples

lamb chop of god

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A Horse May Have Kicked Me In The Face

at least that’s what it feels like.

i tried self-medicating on saturday  night:

except all i got out of that was a hangover.  and then i crammed pickles and peppers down my gullet and felt supremely bloated for the majority sunday.  

and then bubba watson won the masters.
which was annoying. 

so today i’m going back to the tried and true methods.  quil’s of both night and day.  

yes, generic. because i'm cheap.

my body can’t handle sneezing 37 times in a row again.
and my nose can’t handle all the kleenex – even though they are packed with aloe.

and i can’t handle my red, splotchy face that feels reminiscent of a chipmunk.

it’s about time for another shot of medicine.   and then some leftover jesus ham.
catch you on the flip.

In My Mind I’m Not Insane. Not All The Way, At Least.

albert einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

my night began with this:

distinguished. i know.

and then continued with vodka, more vodka, bar dice, and shots.

now i feel like this:

but then i found this:

and then life was good.

until shitler called to tell me that he bought toilet paper, 16 oz cans of nati light, and a bottle of scotch.

whatever freak-wad.

Regular DJ Jesus Would Get Trumped By Raptor DJ Jesus

i thought sodium cat and the honey badger were the only things getting me through this day.  a day that led to discover that not every adult knows the alphabet.

but this is by far the best.  i like nothing more than satirical jesus.

Raptor Jesus is My Hero

raptor jesus always makes me laugh.


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