High Five 4 Friday


so we’ve established that i make poor choices, correct?

correct.

like i was actually getting over a nasty stomach virus and instead of laying low and taking it easy on my stomach i ate nachos, tacos, and vodka last night.  and then some pizza for dessert.
for shame.

but it’s friday – and if that doesn’t cure what ails me then i don’t know what will.
as always i’m linking up with lauren at from my grey desk.

1. b brought a cape back from the bar the other weekend.  so naturally shitler put it on.  now it’s like he’s a super hero.
 barely.

2. some sick freak kept vandalizing my desk.  but the culprit came forward this week.  glory be!
also – it turns out i like the culprit.  so she’s forgiven.

3. i spend a lot of time on twitter.  mainly lol’ing @OhMrWonka

4. we’re back in business.  welcome home little boy booze!
yes, the name of our boat is little boy booze.  and yes, i’m aware that boats are supposed to be female.  and yes, i don’t care.

5. and maybe you’re a terrorist if you don’t collectively “awwwww” with me over this.  

trixie bitch

i have this nagging feeling that there isn’t enough coffee in the world to get me through today.
but we won’t know until i try.

and remember – the walrus sings at midnight.

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Twitter Book Club For Two. But It Could Be For More – If You Wanted


i don’t have a ton of self-control when it comes to things that i’m obsessed with.

case in point – books that i could devour in one hour if left to my own devices.
i’m talking i can’t even have them on my desk at work because i tend to just steal glances at them throughout the day and secretly long to hide under my desk with a flashlight so i can just fucking finish it.

so i got my paws on a chuck palahniuk book – invisible monsters
it’s so, so supremely fucked.
so fucked, in fact, that i immediately banged through a hundred pages and then constantly tweeted about it and then thought that maybe a twitter book club that had two members would be a good idea so i asked sammantha and if we were face-to-face for that conversation i feel confident saying that she would have scoffed at me for even asking because it’s a no fucking brainer that she’d be on board.

so here were are – in a twitter book club for two.
and i love it.
love it so much that i do photo shoots with my book.  
like a freak.

so you should read it too.
join us in our twitter book club.

find me @itgotweird and sammanatha @sammanthamae

we’ve only just begun.

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Food Porn Monday


i think we should start with dessert.

right off the bat.
and then stick with it.

the pretzel croissantwich

via serious eats

monkey bread in a jar

via eat, live, run

pb and banana campfire canape

via betty crocker

grilled coconut with coconut-condensed milk-butter sauce

via serious eats

funfetti icebox cake

via how sweet it is

they’re all just too beautiful for words.

High Five 4 Friday


it’s that time again.
and it is glorious.

i’m looking forward to having next to nothing on the docket.
but in the meantime – i’m linking up with lauren at from my grey desk with 5 things i’m high-fiving for the week.

1. a pretty spectacular signal that the crazy, ridiculous weekend was finally over.

2. omg.omg.omg.omg.omg.  they finally came.  my new books!

3. just when i don’t think true blood could even get any better – this guy shows up.

4. i finally shaved my legs this week.  ya.  it may or may not have been a week-and-a-half (or two, i lost track).  and while it doesn’t seem so bad – i spend a lot of time in dresses and outdoors.  and i probably could have gone longer but i had a minor panic attack when my leg rubbed up against a co-worker and the possibility flashed through my brain that i may i have just cut them with my sharp leg hair.  so i figured it was time.  so here’s an ode to my razor.

5. raise your hand if you like a good deal?  raise hand if you prefer said good deal that you just raised your hand for liking be alcohol related.  i raised mine.  and it happened this week.  two bottles for the price of one plus $2 off.  it’s like i stole it. 

well, there you have it.

catch you on the flip, ghost ride the whip.

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I’m Unimpressed With the Olympics Because I Could Win a Gold Medal in Laziness


a conversation shitler and i had a couple days ago.

me: oh.my.god. i could literally not give any fucks about the olympics.

shitler: that’s because you don’t care about anything.

me: that’s not true.  i care about a lot of things.

shitler: like what?

me: vodka.  laying on this couch.  not wearing pants.  eating tacos.

shitler: ….**silence**

How To Lose Friends and Alienate People – Like the Movie. Only I’m Not Sure If It’s Like the Movie Because I’ve Never Seen It.


perusing my litany of photos on my phone brought me to the following conclusions.

perhaps i’d lose you as a friend and alienate you as a person because i want to decorate everything in this.

perhaps i’d lose you as a friend and alienate you as a person (shitler) because you realize that my bee trap that consists of leftover mike’s hard lemonade in a glass worked pretty well.

perhaps i’d lose you as a friend and alienate you as a person because i horde this guy all to myself.

perhaps you would lose me as a friend and alienate me as a person if you drove around in a car with this sticker on it.  
because you’re an idiot.  
and you should do your research.

perhaps you would lose me as a friend and alienate me as a person if you were like amazon and didn’t know geography.
and shipped books to me in this round-a-bout fucking way.

perhaps you might lose me as a friend and alienate me as a person IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO MY DESK.
but i don’t know who you are.
and i guess it’s kind of hilarious.

 

perhaps.

Boats and Hoes: Installment 1: The Tame Version


i’m going to be honest about the tie-up.

it’s a shit show.  
a goddamn shit show.

and one year that i went – i almost died.  
not even kidding.

i may have been a tiny bit wasted while treading water when a large man canon-balled on top of me causing me to crack my skull on the underside of the boat. where i may have blacked out.  and then was hoisted out of the water by some nice gentlemen while a group of gawking fellow drunks looked on hoping that i didn’t drown.  and then i collapsed back at the house and ate shit into a pile of rocks.  i was battered and bruised.

but this year i vowed that it would be different.  that i would redeem myself.  and i’d like to think that i did.
but in an effort to string you along – i’m just submitting some subdued photos and a video.

because tomorrow’s post has got the good shit.  like thongs, and packages, and hot chicks, and gratuitous water sex.

you’re welcome.

and may i just preface this video with the fact that it was only noon at this point and got progressively worse and worse.

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Food Porn Monday


so at some point i’m probably going to post the same food porn picture.  and i’m slowly coming to terms with that.  

but in the meantime – check this shit out.
and by shit i mean sweet, deliciousness that i want to hork down.

on the double!

bacon wrapped cream cheese jalapeno bites

via eat, live, run

baked ravioli

via cafe poppy

whiskey burgers

via pass the sushi

shrimp scampi with parmesan risotto

via gimme some oven

stuffed buffalo chicken breasts

via skinnytaste

ha.
the word ‘breast’ always makes me laugh.

because i’m mature.

High Five 4 Friday


whose hollering with me?  hollering about friday, i mean.

let’s do it together.

holler.

i’m linking up with lauren over at from my grey desk.

 

1. just saw this movie this week.  and i’m officially in love.  one of the best i’ve seen in awhile.  i think about it for the better part of my days.  and how i’d rather be parked on the couch watching it.

2. oh my god.  she kills me.  and i don’t care what anyone says.  she looks like a tan falcor.  and if you don’t know who falcor is or where it’s from – you can go fuck off.

3.  i’m going to say this and you’re probably going to judge me.  but it was the 1,000th episode of monday night raw this week.  and i watched it.  and i enjoyed it.  and i coveted jericho’s jacket like i do every time i see it.

 

4. the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.the tie-up.  i’m sure that will be a separate post entirely.  because the tie-up is filled with booze, boats, and boobs.  and it’s this weekend.  and i’m so happy.  and i’m going to really try hard to not almost die this time around.

 

5. and with the tie-up happening this weekend it brings shiter’s boyfriends to town.  

3 guys. 1 raft.

 

 

it’s the weekend.
like missy elliot said
get your freak on.

 

 

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In Which Bacon Brings Shitler to Justice Via a Bird


i like to tell myself that i’m pretty bad ass.  and by bad ass i mean let’s bake cupcakes on a friday night.

i know, bad ass right?

so i did.  i made cupcakes.  the champagne ones.  and it was mainly like one bottle of champagne for the cupcakes and one bottle for me.

and then i started thinking about bacon and about how much i loved it.  and then i found myself frying a pound of bacon at 8PM on friday.  and then thinking about all the ways i could add them to my cupcakes.  and then shitler started being a real douche about bacon.  going so far as to claim that it’s the least flavorful of all the breakfast foods.  so i decided to just go for it and make the bacon cupcakes and make shitler eat crow when everyone that i made eat them loved them.

 

 

yes.  it happened.  and it was glorious.
except shitler still wouldn’t try one because he said that he refused to become part of the fad that dictates that “bacon makes everything better (we all know it’s not a fad.  it’s a fucking fact).”
even when everyone that tried one loved them.
and that the bacon cupcakes got snapped up quicker than the regular  ones.  

so still, we are at odds over the merits of bacon.  and i couldn’t help but think that he really need to be brought down a peg or four.

and then it happened.  the very next day.  like i’m talking karma gift-wrapped a present for me and the card that went along with it read “this is for all the abuse you and bacon have had to suffer at the hands of shitler.”

 

 

yes.
a bird shit on shitler.
and then all was right in the world.
because it doesn’t really get much better than that.

oh, it does.  because shitler hosed off the bird shit like this:

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