Tag Archives: relationships

I Can Only Assume Shitler Commits Crimes in His Sleep


mainly battery.

and robbing banks.

those would be my best guesses.

the face of a hardened criminal.

it’s when things like last night happen that i don’t know whether to get violently upset or laugh hysterically.  

both of us fell asleep at a reasonable hour.  

but i was rudely awakened when i took a punch to my fucking nose.
i turned; prepping myself for battle as i looked over at shitler to find that he was violently tossing and turning and screaming,
THE VAN!!!  GET IN THE FUCKING VAN!!!”  


so i simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

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Textual Feeling: No, You Can’t Stick Your Finger In There


a quick aside.  in that my day is crap.  but then it gets a little bit better than crap.

when i was little and had pink eye or some other eye infection shit and needed eye drops put in my eyes – all bets were off.  one parent had to hold me still, while the other had to use their fingers to stretch out my eye and put the drops in.  then i would scream like they were dropping acid in my e yes.  to this day, i’m terrible with eye drops and anything eye-related.  which is why i don’t wear contacts.  but then i don’t always wear my glasses so then i get massive headaches and my eye sight just gets worse and worse.  but i just continue suffering rather than do something to remedy the situation.  like just wear my fucking glasses.

is this going somewhere, you ask?

yes.  it is.

for some fucked up reason i could not sleep last night.  it was awful.  the type of “you can’t sleep” that has you staring at your significant other like you’re going to murder them in their peaceful slumber because you’re so goddamn jealous.  

anyway, i slept for an hour.  which was pointless and i should have just stayed up all night because the hour of sleep didn’t do shit except make me crabby, whiny, and psychotic-looking with my red, irritated eyes.  

miraculously, i found eye drops in my purse.

and tried to administer them at my desk.

which was a terrible idea.

because i drained half the bottle because i keep freaking out and missing my eye and squirting it all over my face so it just looked like i was hysterically crying.  

happy fucking friday.

but then seriously.  happy fucking friday.  because i forgot i had this in the freezer:

but now i have gut rot. because i ate too much and too fast.

b: sweet mullets?

me: i want to make cupcakes first.  i’ve had a rough day.

b: can i come over and stick my finger in your better?

me: butter or butthole?  i’m confused.  i’d be pissed either way.

b: batter.

me: no, i forbid it.

b: that’s awfully ride.
b: rude.  goddammit!

me: good job.

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An Homage to the Fact That We’ve Been Together Too Goddamn Long


16 and 15 respectively.

a tad sassier.

because i thought he would look good with corn rows and apparently my smile is trying to eat my face.

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