August | 2011 | mehspace

I think it’s safe to say that anyone that knows me – knows that I’m probably unhealthily obsessed with my mutts. But with good reason. They’re awesome. Well, one of them is awesome. The other is just along for the ride.

The two couldn’t be more opposite. Words to describe Murphy? Wise, chill, intelligent, obedient, etc. Words to describe McElhenney? Annoying, thick-headed, retarded, confused, deviant, fearless, whiney, etc. I’m sure you can note the differences. It goes without saying that Mac is ADORABLE. That’s really his only saving grace. I have high hopes for the Graceless Wonder Pup that is McElhenney. He better pay off. He better get smart and get smart quick. His coloring and lineage better be attractive to dog lover’s, because you better believe that I’m whoring his canine ass out when he comes of proper age (which is two, in case you were wondering).

I’d like to share some delicious photos of the boys. Perhaps point out their very obvious differences.

Here is Murphy Lee as a young pup. And I must say that he was the perfect puppy. His first night at home and in the crate – he whined for all of two minutes before he

figured out, “Well, the whining isn’t getting me anywhere so I might as well stop it.” Murphy is, without a doubt, descended from royalty. I swear he was a King or Pharaoh in an earlier life. His photos are majestic and ethereal. When he ruled in his past lives he was fair and just. He championed the common man, was a lover of the earth, a true people’s king. Just look at the sunshine cascading down on him as he lounges in the lush grass. He’s exquisite.

Interested in what the advertisement looked like for McElhenney?

Adorable, right? Irresistible, perhaps?

Well, this is what we got.

It would be an understatement to say that Mac is a handful. The adjectives used to describe earlier really do him no justice. You have to see him in action in order to truly experience him in all his annoying glory. He whines when he’s in his crate. He whines when he’s out of his crate. He whines when he has a treat. He does the tell-tale head cock when you give him commands. The head cock and the look that says, at least to me that, “I completely understand what you’re asking and more than capable of doing so, but I have absolutely no intention of following through.” He licks the bathtub, he drinks out of the toilet, he will knock down anything that has liquid in it just to quench some never-ending thirst he’s convinced himself he has. Check out the tongue. It’s impressive. He’s probably trying to convince me that he’s thirsty even after he’s consumed a gallon of water, my glass of wine, and a cup of coffee he thought he deserved. He absolutely always looks like he’s up to no good. And I will have to admit that my most favorite pictures of him are the ones where he looks the most devious. Or the most idiotic. For instance, this one on the right says a multitude of things. It could be, “I just shit in the house and you haven’t found it yet.” Or possibly, “I knocked over the garbage can while you were downstairs doing laundry and shredded every piece of paper that it contained.” OR, it could even say, “I shit twice in the house and you haven’t found it yet and destroyed Lincoln’s brand new pair of Packer slippers.”

It goes without saying that he is annoying 90% of the time, but entertaining 100% of the time. There is never any cause for boredom or lack of something insane that he did in our house. He’s a great conversation piece. Perhaps bring someone out of a bad mood by pointing out that their life isn’t nearly half as bad as yours because at least they don’t have McElhenney.

I love him. I do. But he’s definitely something that has to grow on you. Like a fungus. He’s like a fucking fungus.